My Fall from Grace
by wishiwasawaterbender76
Summary: How did Iroh go from the fierce General of the Seige of Ba Sing Se to the giddy and wise tealoving old man who's has joined Zuko's quest for the Avatar? Here is my spin on everyone's favorite Uncle Iroh.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters of Avatar: The Last Airbender. I'm merely a fan who is using the show as a backstory. My story hopes to fill in gaps that the show has yet to cover._

_I'm quoting Linkin Park's song, "Numb" to open up my chapters. Thank you Linkin Park and the amazing production team of Avatar. Here we go…please remember you safety helmet! .-a/n_

PART 1: JUST CAUGHT IN THE UNDER TOE

Chapter 1:

_Tired being what you want me to be…feeling so faithless.. lost under the surface…._

_Goodbye my boy…._ He thought once the flames engulfed his son's corpse. He silently sat and watched how the flames ate the poor child's remains. He was completely unaware of the gentle but firm hands placed on his shoulder and was deaf to the condolences of his comrades. All that existed was the embalmed, sheet covered corpse that slowly was devoured by the flames. Tears burned his eyes and he pulled every facial muscle tight to stop them from falling. _I can't cry for my boy now…_

The gentle suggestions from his comrades to leave the cremation site failed to land on his ears. _My first mistake was letting him leave for battle….does that make me responsible for his death?…_Iroh continued to stare at his son's flame kissed remains, wishing he somehow saved his son's life. Lu Ten was all he had. Such a beautiful, brave, kind, strong, child he was. _His eyes and mind were too young for the horrors of battle…17 years old….still a boy….How could I have let him fight!? _Iroh found his legs and knees pushed his body off the sitting cushion to a standing position. Iroh's body felt glued to the ground only 10 meters from his son's fire soaked remains.

"The service is over, sir. We should return to base camp." Takahiro, his trusted advisee kindly whispered.

"I….can't go now. I…I need more time. Leave me with my son…please." Iroh stuttered quietly and barely noticed his advisee bow in obedience out of the corner of his eye. He barely heard the sound of crushed leaves under his War Council's feet as they left the cremation site. His chest ached as he tried to restrain the wave of sobs from reaching him. Iroh's longing gaze never left Lu Ten's remains. The flames multiplied and danced in the pink dusk laden sky. The remains seem to shrink under the flames' command. The stench of burned and rotting flesh swallowed the fresh air around him. Iroh slowly noticed the strange and unexpected void left at his side. Absent was Lu Ten's physical presence that used to warm his father's side with laughter, tears, and support.

The only heat Iroh sensed was the low flame of his own soul, smothered by his mourning heart. Again he struggled to keep his hot tears from falling. Iroh failed to feel any hot anger around his son's passing. Soon he realized that the only company he had was Lu Ten's remains. _Lu Ten always feared the day of my funeral…why did his come first?…Some father am I..I can't even protect my own son. _Iroh finally gave into the seductive sensation of falling tears…._Good bye my only flesh and blood.._

He fell to his knees as the tears dropped to the dead leaves beneath him. "LU TEN!" the father's pitiful scream penetrated the chilly autumn, smoke engulfed air.

The council men nearly jumped when they heard their leader's anguished scream from a few hundred meters behind them Takahiro stopped, wiped away a tear with as much grace he could muster. He continued back toward the base camp with the sympathy of a brother.

Iroh swiftly walked out of council tent and barely heard the council members yelling and demanding his return. His feet unconsciously headed towards the woods. His heart finally gave into the soul eating impulse that began in his three day meditation to leave this place that painfully reminded him of Lu Ten. _My Boy would have been honored by my decision…_Iroh finally felt a slight comfort of relief from the tension around his heart only three days after his son's cremation. It was as if his feet were leading him to freedom. The dead leaves crunched as his quick pace turned to a jog. His destination finally came into view.

Iroh unconsciously replayed the dismal scene his mind's eye again and again as his tiring feet carried him to the top of the forest cliff where he designated his place for meditation 603 days ago. His feet finally stopped running and he bent over trying to catch his breath. _I'm getting too old for this crap…_For the first time he felt free of Military's expectations for him to forget his mourning heart and resume "normal business".

His feelings of love, frustration, anger, anxiety, despair flooded his body to awaken the part of his soul that died when his son passed. This cliff edge was the only place he was able to feel balanced and free during this ugly siege of Ba Sing Se. He looked up to the beautiful morning sky and raised his arms to thank the Gods for the end of this slumber of mourning his soul fought since he received the letter 5 days ago that narrated Lu Ten's death.

His aging body collapsed to the ground and he wearily positioned his legs into the lotus pose.Iroh's eyes tried to shut out the shaking of his body that nearly ran up the hill. Only through cleansing breathe did he feel a break from the tension of war and his son's passing.

The kind release of meditation allowed him to think clearly process and review the sudden events of the morning report. He embraced the calming drop of his consciousness and the slowing of his breath. His memory did the rest.

_With a still frustrated belly that wasn't satisfied by Iroh's minimal attempts at eating breakfast, he walked towards the meeting tent. His belly cried sour against his abnormal lack of appetite in the last three days after LuTen's service. His old sense of purpose pushed him through the tent's entry way._

_As usual, he was one of the last to arrive given the solace his title assumed. "HAIL GENERAL IROH!", his council members shouted customarily like every other morning as they all bowed lowly to him. This marked the end of three day mourning period the council had imposed on Lu Ten's behalf. _

_Iroh had spent last three days sacrificing speech, sleep and food. He had been exhausted by the battle his mind had with his soul. His military training that had begun at the age of ten taught him to surpass his feelings and focus on his duty to his country. His heart pleaded with him to feel his loss while his mind reminded him of the precious time he had to "get over it and act like you are the Dragon the West!". He cried himself to sleep at night and fire bended his loss and rage every morning before he settled down for meditation that lasted all day. The damn curse of fire never relieved his angst. The solider of his mind would beat the side of heart that only wanted to commit suicide and be with Lu Ten. He was soaked by the overwhelming storm of feelings of loss, anger, despair, fear, sadness, and confusion! _

_Iroh purely thought he was going insane when he saw Lu Ten's ghost appeared to him every night and sat by his bed. Lu Ten's translucent eyes beseeched him to seek peace. For a moment when Iroh tried to see the purpose of his son's visitations, his rage would scare the ghost away. The rage would burn when the solider in him demanded him to "act like man" and get over this pitiful mourning. When dawn struck, Iroh found his clothes soaked and his head dizzy from the battle between his heart and mind. No wonder why he couldn't bring himself to eat this morning. _

_Iroh gave an unconscious small bow of his head to return the greeting without much expression on his normally tranquil face. All morning the soldier in him demanded him to remember his duty. He averted the gaze of his loyal council. He barely found his normal cushion in front of the council and seige leadership. Iroh blank gaze broke his normally pleasant face. Takahiro sat at his right and proudly took in a deep breath._

"_We gladly welcome back the Dragon of the West! We continue our fearless and resistant occupation of Ba Sing Se." the young Captain of Offensive Battle Strategy, loudly shared with his fellow council members, "It seems that a small band of Earth Kingdom soldiers still pathetically are trying to defend its city. We will likely squash any of those poor-excuse for soldiers." The council members darkly snickered and laughed at young captain's remark._

_Takahiro smirked in pleasure with their response. After what seemed to be an hour but only a few seconds, he glanced at Iroh who was to suppose to give his opinion of what the next steps would be for today. His proud feeling changed quick as he blinked hard when Iroh's mouth failed to respond to the cue. He tried to suppress his flow of anxiety as he glanced at the faces of the council members as they grew weary with the pause. _

_Iroh stared blankly ahead seeming to be unshaken by the nervous silence in the air. He had been semi-aware of the meeting occurring around him and a prisoner of his own thoughts. He had never felt this numb or lost before. "General…General the council would like to hear your thoughts," hissed the captain. The General failed to respond to his cue and the Captain leaned over tapped the old man's left arm. _

_As if awakened from a long slumber, Iroh suddenly regained awareness of the eager stares focused on him. Iroh felt his legs pick his body up from the ground and he stood before his comrades. Takahiro looked up graciously and relieved as the old man finally seemed realize that he was holding the attention of whole tent. Iroh let out a loud sigh and felt trance-like when he announced "I think I'm going home". Jaws dropped and confused looks met the General's statement. He turned to gather his belongings and Takahiro quickly shot up and painfully grasped his shoulder. Iroh seemed aloof to the rising heat in the young fire bender's grasp._

_The captain angrily spun Iroh away from the confused and angry stares of the council. Takahiro's sneer failed to sway the old man blank eyes. "What is wrong with you?" hissed hotly Takahiro. "I understand you are still in mourning but in case you forgot, sir, we are in the middle of 600 day campaign!"_

_Iroh slowly nodded to the captain's comment and turned to the council. The council members with seasoned respect restrained their comments of the old man's curious behavior. Iroh stood in front of the council with a vacant look in his eyes. As if on autopilot, Iroh stated somewhat distantly, "I'm weary of this fight. My homeland is calling. I'll be leaving tomorrow morning." A silent shock wave quickly spread in the room as Iroh silently bowed to Captain Takahiro and exited the tent. _

_The council erupted in slanderous remarks. "Has he gone Mad?" yelled one._

"_He's a fifthly coward! He's leaving all of us in the height of the Seige!" hissed another._

"_Lord Azulan will burn him to a crisp for this!"_

_Takahiro frozen in fear and confusion as he watched Iroh briskly walked out of the tent. He couldn't move or react to the eruption of yells and scuffling in the tent. **What has happened to that old man?! He's Completely Lost His Mind!!! **_

A/N:

I have to admit, I been a bit selfish and slow with this story. I'm an avid reader of fan fic and was scared to submit this for about a month. I had a bit of writer's block over the holidays but this last week my little muse of inspiration (thank you darling) kicked me in the butt and I am finally submitting.

Enjoy and let me know what you think…:)


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters of Avatar: The Last Airbender. I'm merely a fan who is using the show as a back story. My story hopes to fill in gaps that the show has yet to cover._

_Yes, the beginning quote does sound familiar! I'm quoting lyrics from Linkin Park's "Numb" to open each chapter! _

_Thank you to the fabulous production team of one of my favorite shows, Avatar and to one of my favorite rock bands, Linkin Park. (always loved this song, and was surprised that it fit Iroh's story so well)_

_ok, enough jibber jabber…here's the next chapter ("Ni" in Japanese if anyone cares)._

**Chapter 2**

"_Don't know what you're expecting of me. .put under the pressure of walking in your shoes…"_

Iroh stretched and felt like he had just awakened from a long nightmare when he stepped off the boat on to the Fire Nation shores. He could feel blessed relief overcome him when his feet touched solid ground. His warm homeland air bathed his weary skin. _We're home, Lu Ten…my side aches without you. _He held the urn that contained the remains and gave it a small squeeze as if he was giving Lu Ten a hug. A servant came for the urn and Iroh was surprised by his reluctance to hand it over to the young man. He hesitantly gave the urn to the servant who would transport it to the Royal Palace. "Please take care of him." he found himself stating to the servant.

The servant had an understanding and empathic look as he carefully held the urn. For a moment, Iroh realized that the servant had suffered loss in his life. He had no idea how he knew that but decided not to consider it futher. The servant bowed his head and replied "I will make sure it will safely arrive at the Palace."

Iroh bowed in graciousness and could care less that anyone saw him bow to a commoner. The young man carefully transported the urn to special carriage bound for the Palace. Iroh breathed deep and tried to ignore his fears around the urn's transport.

Weary from being at sea, Iroh walked slowly into the busy seaport. The bondage of his mourning still remained heavy but he was relaxed slightly by the familiar faces of his people and having the homeland under his feet. Iroh had no expectation of a welcome home celebration at his father's Palace; nor did he expect his family to warmly hug and kiss him with love.

Iroh's soul and body hurt from the two week long ship voyage to his homeland. It was here at this very port more than 600 days ago he had gracefully looked into the eyes of his family as they sent him off to battle with his handsome son by his side.

_Iroh tried not to internalize the blank look of his brother, Prince Ozai and his sad but proud look of his brother's wife, Princess Ursa as she bade him one last farewell._

_Ursa's handsome two children, his favorite (and only) nephew Zuko and his bratty but solemn niece Azula looked up at him with wondering eyes. Iroh's strong son noticed a tear running down Zuko's handsome face. Lu Ten lifted Zuko up under his arms and rested his forehead on the child's. Iroh's tall son had always been fond of Zuko and struggled to keep his tears restrained. "You take care of your family and help your father take care of our homeland." he lovingly whispered to the boy. _

_The young boy, who seemed to be wiser beyond his years, nodded in understanding. Lu Ten gently returned the young boy to the ground and the boy scurried over to his mother's side. Ursa smiled at Iroh as if she was thanking him for raising such a self-less boy. Lu Ten lovingly smiled at his farther and boarded the ship. _

_Iroh took one last glance at his family as the setting sun seemed to frame their faces. He resisted the urge to hug his family members since he guessed Ozai would have looked down upon him for it. He took one deep sigh and boarded his ship. Iroh began to train his mind for the long journey to the Earth Kingdom's shores._

_**Don't worry, Iroh….it will be a great day when you and Lu Ten return victors of this battle…..**_

With all his long years of warrior training, Iroh kept a blank mask upon his face as his horse approached the castle. He forced himself not to wonder what kind of welcoming he was going to receive as the horse approached. He was somewhat glad to have that strange land of Ba Sing Se as only a memory. _I'd die happy if I never see those walls again! _The gates of his Palace home warmly but bitterly burned his eye sight. Iroh concealed his awe as the Guard let him pass without a word. He felt foolish when he hesitated to see if Lu Ten was behind him.

Iroh took another deep breathe to help him retain his regal presentation. He dismounted the horse and felt a little calmer as he walked through the main entrance. It was almost as if his feet were leading him down the halls that he knew so well. The ghostly sound of children's laughter roared in his own ears as he had walked down these halls some many times. He smiled at one memory in particular.

_He walked wearily with aching muscles as he only wanted to take off the dirty uniform and put on his own robes. He looked down the hallway and was welcomed by her astonishingly beautiful sunshine golden eyes. Keiko…She ran and he hugged her desperately as she covered his face and neck with kisses. He picked his wife up and carried her to their chambers while he grew hot for what he knew what she wanted…He returned her sweet kisses and started to undress her before he even could close the door. He loved this woman with his whole heart and soul!! The bedroom door locked and slammed with Keiko's giggles. _

"_I have the…hee hee.. best news!" she tried to say between giggles, but he kept tickling her and nipping at her neck. They both crashed onto the bed and she tore off his shirt as he continued to tickle her. His body heated with passion as he quickly put his fingers to his lips and said "ssshhh". His kiss pushed her lips open and their tongues wrestled sweetly. "First things, first!" he whispered in her ear as his lips ravenously met her neck and as his hands met to her ivory breasts. _

"_Iroh…" her voice trailed off as he tried to quiet her again with his luscious and burning lips._

_After a spectacular night of love making, he held her close to his bare and muscular chest in the wee hours of the morning. He couldn't keep his eyes off her eyes as they grew heavy and welcomed sleep. Iroh found himself wide awake with giddy excitement. He could hardly contain joy from the news she just delivered him,_

"_I think I'm pregnant.." _

A servant who he didn't recognize approached him quietly and awoke him from his memories.

"The Fire Lord knows you have arrived. You may go to your private chambers and prepare for dinner tonight. A chamber servant will help you unpack your belongings.", he stated as if he memorized he words from a training manual. The servant turned and disappeared down the hall. Iroh wasn't caught off guard by the cold greeting. He was sure that he would be spending the afternoon alone in his chambers. _My guess is I'm not welcome here.. I thought for sure that my father would have had me sleep with the pigs in the barn yard.. _

Iroh knew that he be looked down upon, given his quick escape from the battle field. He was sure that Lord Azulan would have immediately forgotten about his favorite son and treated him with the same disgust he would have had for a traitor to the Fire Nation. He realized that he might be court marshaled in the morning and stripped of his inheritance of the Burning Throne. Iroh had some at least a few rational thoughts swimming in his head on that ship. Iroh also knew his younger and quite obviously power hungry brother, Ozai, would do cartwheels for that.

He knew that his father at one time publicly displayed his love for him and daily showed his fondness for him and his oldest grandson. Lord Azulan even nicknamed Iroh "_The Dragon of the West_" upon showing his father his natural gift in fire bending skills while he was training as a teenager. Iroh remembered how Azulan had hugged him as a boy proudly saying, _"Dragon of the West, you will be a fierce leader of the Fire Nation someday after my passing and that will make the rest of world shake in fear."_

Iroh now doubted that he would ever see any warm reception from his family again. He knew he was a _traitor_ to his country for leaving the Seige without a clear message of return. The day he announced his departure, he knew that his gut wrenching sadness for his son was a priority to him in his decision making; not the success and honor of his country. He humbly accepted the fate that his father had in store for him. He accepted the pain and shame of having fallen from grace. Iroh knew he would never have strongly continued that siege with the absence of his son. And to this, he would never disclose to anyone his awareness of what the future possibly held for him .

Iroh enter his old bedroom and immediately opened the windows. He deeply breathed in the warm air of his homeland. Iroh immediately stopped himself from thinking of asking his son to join him for a cup of tea in the court yard that evening as he noticed the urn on his bedroom table. _Habitually behavior is so hard to break…_His chest forced down his sadness and urge to cry. He was able to quell that urge with a memory as he looked over at his bed.

_He entered the chamber with exhaustion from a long day of training young troops. His face brightened when he noticed that Keiko was half clothed and cradled his three week old son to her chest. Iroh was amazed by the beauty of seeing his wife and son together. She smiled as she looked down at the nursing babe with a twinkle of love and awe in her eye. He quietly joined her side and watched as the babe drank from his beautiful wife's ivory breast. He had always been fascinated that his cherished Keiko seemed to nourish his first born with such care. _

_Lu Ten came off her breast and seemed look up at his father with greetings. "Now it is your turn, Daddy," she said as she handed the babe over to him to burp while she stood up to dressed. He eagerly took the babe into his hands.. "How was your day with Mommie, my little handsome man?" he asked in a little squeaky- baby voice as he held the child up to eye level. He smiled when predictably the newborn's only response was a blank stare and a yawn. He proudly lifted Lu Ten to his shoulder. He gently warmed his hand as he patted and rubbed the babe's back._

_Keiko joined his side once more and loving kissed her husband. "I should start calling you the 'Burper'" she said as she watched Iroh do his job in "burping". Iroh loved being a father so much that he specifically asked his father, Azulan not to send nurse maid for Keiko. He remembered as his father agreed with a curious stare. His comrades would be shocked if they knew that Iroh regularly helped Keiko with diapers, clothing, bathing and putting Lu Ten to sleep at night. A little but loud BURP escaped Lu Ten and Iroh laughed heartily. "He gets that from his Dad," he giggled. _

Suddenly a quiet knock on the door awoke him from his daydreams. _Maybe it's just the servant's bringing some towels and robes. _Iroh opened the door and was shocked by the gorgeous familiar sun flower yellow eyes of his sister-in-law, Princess Ursa. She quickly put her finger to her full lips and almost slid into his room. Iroh, still in shock that she would be the first family member to see him, walked over to her.

"What are you doing here? How did you get here without anyone seeing you?", he said quietly acknowledging that a guardsman could have followed her and possibly was eavesdropping outside his door. He was still convinced that his status was more of a prisoner awaiting punishment; not a loved General welcomed home.

She threw her delicate alabaster arms around him and drew him in for a hug. "I had my handmaid keep an eye on the gate for your arrival. I snuck out of our quarters while the children were playing in the court yard. Why are you acting like I'm not allowed to welcome you home? Ohh, forget that! You don't know what a relief it is to see you!" she gushed like an old friend.

Iroh carefully concealed his relief that at least one family member was happy to see him. Ursa quickly checked her giddy attitude and suddenly became somber. "Zuko and I cried for almost three hours when we received word about your son. He was such a brave Commander." she said respectfully soft.

Iroh couldn't bring himself to say anything in response. He was weary masking his grief and pain for the two and half weeks. Iroh finally felt he was safe to show emotion in front of always kind his sister-in-law. He joyously found that the first time he met her so many years ago. Ursa was one of the only people who allowed him to be his real fragile self since his Keiko had passed. It was only upon many years of military training where he mastered the skill of publicly masking his true emotions.

Iroh sighed and looked up to the ceiling. He sniffed hard and let one tear escape his eye in front of her generous and kind face. "I miss Lu Ten too", was all he could say through his painfully tight throat. His heart was tormented when Lu Ten still visited him at night. He cried when he reached for the ghost for a hug and felt nothing but air.

She kindly smiled and said "I know it isn't our family tradition to wear your agony on your sleeve, but please know that we all miss your beautiful son in all of our weird and small ways." Ursa was never one that kept up with the regal expectations on how a Princess should act.

Iroh nodded still trying to not release the flood of his emotions on this woman. That would have been the duty of his wife who had passed not too long ago. To this day he desperately missed Keiko's warm and forgiving embrace. Iroh felt slightly ashamed that Ursa was first person he confided in since Lu Ten died. However, she had a magical affect on him in which he automatically felt at ease with her. No one provided him with that space since he lost Keiko.

Even though he and Lu Ten were close, he still relied on Ursa for that space after he lost his sweet and precious wife. There were certain things a woman could provide for him that even Lu Ten couldn't. He couldn't help wondering how Ozai would react if he saw him having such an intimate talk with his wife, Ursa. Iroh still remembered that he guessed long ago that Ozai never let himself or his wife express human emotions, even in private.

Ursa turned the conversation to a close somewhat quickly and embarrassedly, "Well, I just wanted to see you if you got settled. I guess we will all see you at dinner tonight. Goodbye for now." She left the room awkwardly and closed the door behind her. For the first time that day, Iroh was able to let his tears flow freely. At least someone was glad to see him back.

Iroh bathed and donned clean silk robes for dinner. The fresh royal robes didn't do much to improve his somber mood. _You have to put your emotion mask on for dinner at least or the whole royal family will be depressed….Ozai will call you a weak coward if he even senses your woe!!_ Iroh sucked in his chest and resumed his blank mask from his travels to the palace.

He knew he had to pass the court yard where his nephew and niece might still be playing to reach the dining room. He prayed to the Gods that he could slip by without being noticed by the children. He hoped that he could meet the children latter when he was feeling better. He didn't want to upset his ten year old nephew Zuko, with his current mood, who he knew loved Lu Ten like his older brother. He still remembered how Zuko sweetly cried on his son's lap when he heard they were leaving for the war. Lu Ten had dropped that bombshell only one week after his father accepted the battle for Ba Sing Se and two years after his mother had passed. Iroh remembered how Ursa tried to restrain her tears when she saw her son and nephew together.

Iroh wasn't so concerned with Azula, given her selfish and almost conscious narcissistic personality. He could tell even when she was four years old how self-absorbed and cruel she was. Iroh remembered how she told her mother and Auntie Keiko when she fire bended and killed the kitten her mother gave her for her birthday. _"Look what I did, mommy! I burned the kitty to a crisp!"_, Azula's evil sounding laughter echoed in Iroh's head. Iroh remembered how Keiko had coached Ursa to not strangle the impish girl.

He remembered how Keiko said her heart would bleed every time that little evil elf would do something just to get back at her mother for dotting on Zuko. "_Please help me Iroh if we ever had a child as cruel as Azula," Keiko would say._ Iroh knew that Azula was jealous of the attention he, his wife and Lu Ten gave Zuko. Keiko had always encouraged Iroh to love Zuko since his brother never paid much attention to him. As far as he was concerned, the only people Azula seemed to care about was her father and her grandfather. Azula was one child that he was embarrassed to say was his niece. Of course, if Ozai heard that, he would have challenged him to an Agn Kai. He remembered when Ozai first showed favoritism to his daughter.

_Lu Ten was showing Zuko his fire bending one day at Lord Azulan's 55th birthday celebration. The four year old's eyes glowed as he watched how his older cousin could 'magically' make a candle- sized flame appear in the palm of his hand. "I wish I could do that" said the little boy. Soon his little sister approached, coughed and ignited a near by bush. Lu Ten quickly scooped up Zuko who cried in fear as the bush burned. The little girl laughed as Ozai picked her up. He laughed proudly, "It looks like my son fears our natural element and my little girl embraces it." _

Iroh breathed deeply before he entered the hallway that passed the court yard. He half walked and half ran down the hallway, praying the children didn't notice him passing by.

Azula's voice was the first to ring through the air, "Uncle Iroh's back!". Iroh stopped and smiled at direction of the children knowing he had been "caught". Zuko looked up from playing with his ball and immediately ran to his uncle with a big smile on his face. The child threw his arms around his knees.

Iroh couldn't help but smile at the child's warm and generous greeting. He looked over and saw that Azula took her time walking over to him. _Maybe I should have not scolded her privately so many times when her mother's back was turned._ Iroh decided not wait for his niece to approach him and picked up his nephew.

"Wow, what a warm welcome! I can't believe how much the two of you have grown!" Iroh said half-excitedly (for the kids' benefit) and gently set Zuko on his feet. "And look, you two are already wearing warrior knots in your hair! Gee, was I gone that long!"

Zuko seemed like he was going to respond, but Azula smirked and stepped in front of him, "You weren't gone _that_ long Uncle. We have been fire bending training for two years now. Father says I shouldn't have started training until now but when I was six he said I was a prod-i-gy! He said he couldn't stop me training with such raw and natural talent!" Iroh noticed Zuko looked down a bit. He remembered the letters Ursa sent on how Zuko tries hard in training but his father seems to be oblivious. Azula easily stole his father's praise and love, sometimes. _I guess that's why I've always been generous loving Zuko; his father seems to forget him often….._

Iroh secretly winked at Zuko and said, "That's nice Azula. I'm sure Zuko is improving in his bending too!" Zuko's sad frown turned around at his Uncle's statement. Iroh gave a pretend mysterious smirk to the kids. "I couldn't come home empty handed from my travels without presents."

"Presents!", yelled Azula.

"Hold on a moment, Azula. Now, where could I have put them?". He loved being a clown around the kids, even if Azula didn't always appreciate his antics. Iroh padded his hands around his robe and looked down at the front of his robe which got a small laugh from Zuko. He stuck his pointer finger in the air and pretended to remember where he put them. Iroh reached up his sleeve and showed the children a parcel wrapped with a piece of fine blue silk and a gold ribbon. "Now, this is gift is for Azula", he replied with a smile. Azula grabbed the parcel from her uncle greedily and quickly unwrapped it. Azula's excited expression soon frowned when she said somewhat rudely, "a barrette and a doll?".

Iroh smiled since he thought of his passed wife when he found the barrette it at a market in the Earth Kingdom. "Yes, aren't they pretty?!" as he placed his hands on his knees. The child wasn't his favorite but he invested a lot of money into the pieces.

Azula put on an obvious fake smile and bowed, "thank you uncle", she seemed to say out of formality and not appreciation.

Iroh tried not to let his reaction seem too hurt by the child's lack of humility and awareness of other's feelings. _Well..at least I tried to make a peace offering…_

Iroh turned to Zuko and proudly held out his gift. "Your cousin, Lu Ten, told me he had this made for your thirteenth birthday and I found it amongst his belongings. I thought he would have been happy if I gave it to you now, since he told me he wanted to give it to you upon his return home." Iroh restrained himself from crying as he gently placed the parcel wrapped in precious red silk with a black ribbon into Zuko's. He and Azula watched eagerly as Zuko unwrapped the gift. Iroh held back his tears when he saw the boy's joyous and awed reaction. "I don't deserve this pearl dagger Uncle," the boy said humbly as probably his mother taught him well. Azula looked like she was going to offer to take it for him, but stopped when she saw her uncle's raised eye brows.

Iroh bent down to his nephew's level with loving and sad eyes. "You don't deserve it, you're right. But Lu Ten wanted you to have it because he loved you like his own little brother."

Zuko smiled and bowed deeply, "THANK YOU UNCLE. This dagger is truly beautiful and special".

Iroh for the fourth time today suppressed his tears and lifted the boy up for a big hug,

"Lu Ten would have said you're welcome." He watched over Zuko's shoulder Azula's face grimace as she walked away. Iroh didn't care since he felt the boy's love and appreciation.

A/n: I tried to illustrate how Zuko wasn't always the angry, angst filled teenager. He did have happiness in his life once upon a time, I think. I always wondered when I watched Book 1 how Iroh could have such patient love for the Fire Prince. As the show has briefly illustrated and I hope to have contributed, Zuko was dearly loved by his Mom, his Auntie and his favorite Uncle.

Did you notice that Uncle really needs Keiko back? Let see where this goes…

I'm a sponge for feedback…let me know your thoughts. :)


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: I know it's been a while since my last update. What can I say, I'm a working Lady! Work has been busy and my computer at work has been fickle about connecting to the Internet. Anyway, here you go!_

_**Lovely Little Disclaimer:**_

_I don't own any of the characters from Avatar: The Last Air Bender. I also don't own the lyrics from Numb by Linkin Park. Thank you very much to the creators of Avatar and Linkin Park! Love YOU! _

Chapter 3

"**_Every Step that I take is another mistake to you…"_**

Iroh held his breath as he entered the dining room. His brother, Ozai was the first set of eyes he met. Ozai had the same blank gaze that always put a piece of kindling to the fire of tension between them. Iroh, being the more naturally humble of the two brothers, gave him a small nod of greeting. Ozai stared blankly as if a peasant smiled at him.

Ozai failed to look up when his wife, Ursa entered. Her small smile directed to Iroh slightly eased Iroh's tense response to his brother. She seated her children to the right of her seat cushion.

Once everyone was seated, they all rose respectfully as the patriarch, Lord Azulan entered the dining room. Iroh expected his father to ignore his presence but the older man gave him and the rest of the family a grand surprise.

Lord Azulan had the eyes of the room on him. Instead of seating himself immediately at the head of the table, the Fire Lord quickly approached Iroh. He felt his breathe escape his chest as he saw warmth in his father's eyes. Azulan hugged his son with stately embrace and whispered, "Welcome home Son.".

Iroh couldn't help his eyes as they glanced over at his brother. Ozai's normal blank and stern expression sneered in disgust but the expression quickly disappeared when Lord Azulan headed to his place at the table. Azulan signaled everyone to sit and cleared his throat. "I am pleased to have the family together once again. I extend my sincere condolences to Iroh for the lost of my first born grandson, Lu Ten. May our ancestors welcome Lu Ten into the Afterlife. I declare that we will all meet after dinner at the Temple to pray for our recently departed family members including my grandson, Lu Ten."

In his classic regal style, Azulan failed to show interest on how his words and actions rested on his family members. He welcomed the servants in to set the food on the table. _Father welcomed me home in front of the Family! _Iroh was stunned by his father's surprising quiet but warm and solemn reception. _I thought he wasn't going to bat an eyelash at me…_ Iroh pulled his racing thoughts together and waited for the servants to finish.

Iroh saw pure resentment in his brother's eyes; clearly when Azulan wasn't looking. _At least Ozai is being forward about his feelings around my return…_

Iroh looked up again as he started to reach for his chop sticks and noticed Ursa's face was more quiet and solemn than he was accustomed to. Iroh always hated how Ozai's presence signaled such stiff and regal behavior in his wife. _Do you have to treat the mother of your children like one of your soldiers?._

Keiko would worry about Ursa and shared with her husband the woman's struggles with her marriage. Keiko and Ursa had been very close and Iroh became Ursa's sounding board after his wife passed. Iroh secretly welcomed being an outlet for her since he assumed she felt stifled elsewhere. Iroh felt it was his loving duty to Keiko to be friends with Ursa. He often wondered if Ozai was jealous of their friendship. Iroh found it harder than in the past to even guess what his was going on in his brother's mind.

Iroh and Ozai were said to be "different as night and day." While their parents openly enjoyed Iroh's natural warm and easy going nature, Ozai had been more of introvert growing up and often only showed anger in public. Iroh knew that Ozai had been jealous since almost birth of his older brother.

Iroh was always the center of attention growing up because of his kind heart and his natural and flawless progress in controlling fire. Iroh remembered his father calling him a "prodigy" in public and watching Ozai's shoulders fall. Iroh was the "life of the palace", while his brother was quiet, withdrawn, and brooding.

The only thing Ozai publicly showed interest in was the Fire Nation's battles of the Earth Kingdom, Water Tribes and the small settlement of Air Nomads. As a young adult, Ozai never seemed to find something that he passionate about besides helping their father build the military. Many young female suitors would be turned off by Ozai's lack of social skills and constant soldier presentation. Iroh's heart fell for Ozai when he overheard two beautiful female suitors talk about Ozai, _"He is stiff and dull as crab.. No wonder why he fits so well in the military." _

Iroh was celebrated as a master at everything he tried, including socializing with the ladies. As a young adult, when Iroh was busy selecting a lady to marry, Ozai was found listening in the back of military meetings amongst the highest ranking officials. Iroh felt bad for his brother when the ladies gathered around him and gave up on Ozai. Azulan would joke with his comrades_, "My wife and I hope that Ozai will show some interest in women one day before I die."_

Unlike Iroh who met Keiko and married easily, Ozai never presented a fiancé to his parents after years of attending social galas standing up against the wall and keeping young and willing ladies at bay. Ozai would roll his eyes when he passed Iroh who would be busy "_studying inside of the beautiful Keiko's mouth_" in the wee hours of the morning after Royal Festivals. Iroh remembered when Ozai was first confronted over his "failure to marry".

_Iroh was quickly notified to come to the Burning Throne Room for "special family meeting". Keiko heard the urgency of the messenger and let Iroh leave without protest. Iroh entered the room and found his brother kneeling in front of his seated father and mother. Apparently the conversation had begun without him._

"_Ozai, you know that you can't be prince of the Fire Nation without a wife to supply an heir to my Throne!" Lord Azulan impatiently lectured his son. "I've arranged countless numbers of social events and festivals for you! There were plenty of beautiful young woman courting you and you failed to choose even one! Tomorrow is your twenty fifth birthday and you still haven't made an effort to meet anyone! What is wrong with you boy!?! Do you want to spend the rest of your life alone?!?"._

_Ozai's cool gaze never left the floor. Iroh watched for any change in expression in his brother's face. Iroh felt himself sad for his brother when his father gave him rather "harsh" words. _

"_Son, we just want you to be happy." replied his kinder-toned mother, "I don't know how I made it through this life without your father by my side. We just want you to share the rest of your life with a woman who special to you.", she finished as she gently put her hand on her husband's._

_Ozai seemed deaf to his mother's efforts to gently get through to her son. _

"_Are you going to respond your mother?" demanded Azulan._

_Ozai, stoically failed to make any comment. Both his parents' faces fell to their son's lack of response. Azulan looked to his wife who silently nodded._

"_You leave us no choice, son," Azulan replied rather defeated. "I've discussed the matter with your mother and have made a decision. Arranged Marriages are a heathen practice that only the Water Tribe seems to still adhere to. Since you have failed to state which woman you intend to marry, your mother and I will select one for you. We will have a suitable woman for you by the next full moon. Do you have any thing to say for yourself?"_

_Ozai stood up quickly with a solemn but indifferent look on his face. "I will do as you wish Mother and Father.", was all he said as he bowed and quickly left the Throne room. _

_Iroh stood up and got a silent sign of permission from his father to leave. Iroh couldn't help but run to catch up with his brother. He put a kind hand out on his almost running brother's shoulder. Ozai stopped but didn't turn to meet his eyes._

"_Ozai this is Madness! You're not actually going to let this happen? You don't even have a choice on whom they pick! You have to care, deep down inside!.", Iroh tried to empathically reason with his brother. _

_Ozai's eyes never left the floor. "Quite frankly Iroh, this matter is none of your business. Father and Mother are already looking for a "mail-order-bride". I'm not a fool. I would never challenge their decision." he flatly replied. _

_Ozai walked off and left his brother confused about his behavior._

Ursa was the oldest daughter of one of Azulan's retired commanders' and the two families arranged for them to marry quickly. Ursa had been uprooted from her family and close friends without any say in the matter. She told Keiko she felt like a "foreigner" when she first arrived at the palace. Keiko told Iroh that Ursa tried everything to quickly adapt to her role as Ozai's bride and he never seemed to any affinity for her.

Ozai even seemed bored the day of his wedding. Iroh remember how Keiko talked about comforting Ursa on their wedding day, when Ozai announced he didn't even want a "honey moon" because the military was planning an attack against the Southern Water Tribe. It was then that Iroh realized that Ursa was the one who suffered most in the deal.

Iroh assumed that nothing much changed between the couple over the last two years.

One thing was for sure he knew: Zuko was a boy who desperately needed a father, not a drill sergeant. Ozai brought him into this world and never seemed to care for the child. Ursa would never complain when Keiko tried to raise her opinion on how absent Ozai was when Zuko was a baby.

Iroh knew that Zuko was close to his mother but was love starved for his father. Ursa would console her son when his father failed to acknowledge him, without any explanation of his father's actions. Ursa simply kept the boy close to her side whenever Ozai entered the room.

Ozai suddenly made an appearance to his children when Azula was born. Azula had the "gift" and Ozai seemed to have finally forgiven himself for not having it. Although Azula was the apple of her father's eye, Zuko still tried to get at least some attention when he visited the children as they played. Zuko seemed so starved for his father's love that he seemed to live vicariously through his sister and his father's relationship.

Everyone knew that Ozai took it upon himself to teach his children about the importance of Honor. He seemed to adhere to his children when they could speak and understand his commands. Ozai trained his children just as aggressively as he did with the military. Iroh feared that Zuko would grow up confused with difference between honor and love.

Ozai clearly showed his son that preserving Honor was the ultimate duty of a man. He also knew that Ozai provided something special for his "cherished" daughter that he either consciously or unconsciously deprived his son of on a daily basis. _Poor child.._

Ursa's painful letters that she sent to Iroh while he was in Ba Sing Se often detailed these stories of the dichotomy of Ozai's "fatherhood". The letters came the first six months while he was in Ba Sing Se but stopped coming altogether. Iroh concluded that maybe Ursa couldn't write as often.

Iroh hoped that once the letters stopped coming that life was getting better for Ursa and Ozai. The way they acted now indicated that things hadn't changed much.

Iroh's thoughts gave him a break finally and he quickly finished his meal when he noticed that the rest of his family was almost done eating. After the servants came to clear the plate ware, Azulan announced, "I will see all of you at the Temple in an hour's time." The Fire Lord quickly vacated the room which left the others to wrap up their dining.

Iroh made a departure to his chambers to prepare for prayer at the Temple. Zuko smiled at Iroh as he left the room. Iroh warmly smiled back at the boy.

Iroh walked down the halls and noticed that the sun had almost set for the evening. Most fire benders naturally preferred the sun's rays to the moon light. Iroh enjoyed the moon light and wasn't as turned off by it has most of his people. He always had a respect for the natural balance of the world. Iroh was always said to be "balanced in the fire of his blood and his brother didn't have enough". Only at night he could let his guard down and be true to himself.

Iroh sighed with relief and dropped a few tears at the simple fact that his father "welcomed him home". Iroh always had more intimate relationship with his father than his brother did. His mother often commented to Iroh that his father loved the wise, respectful warmth he naturally possessed. Iroh had wished growing up that Ozai reached out to his parents as he did. He was sad because he knew his brother was probably jealous. It broke Iroh's heart when Ozai denied any jealousy when his parents constantly praised him.

When they were young, Ozai often tried to show his "worth" by perfecting his fire bending and combat skills in order to get his father's attention. Iroh was a Fire Bending Prodigy himself and his parents knew that from his birth. Ozai, who wished he was more gifted, had to work at improving his skills much harder. Ozai would struggle through sparring matches as a teenager when Iroh easily walked away as a victor.

In so many ways, Iroh wished that Ozai saw that he and his son, Zuko were one and the same. Although Azulan never publicly criticized Ozai for his lack of natural talent, sadly, he never gave his son the praise for trying hard to improve. Iroh remembered how they'd finish sparing as teenagers and Ozai would be fighting to catch his breath and snicker_: "It must be nice to bend fire without effort!"._

Iroh remembered the day he gave up on making peace with his brother. He regretted how he lost his control as a teenager.

_Iroh had given up on being easy on Ozai after his endless jealous comments. There was only so much Iroh could take without being insulted. During their last sparring match, Ozai antagonized him with, "Stop holding yourself back! Let me have it! You know I can never match your "natural ability". Or maybe you're too scared to own your "gift"."_

_That was it! Iroh let his control go and felt the heat boil over in his body. This wasn't his younger fool-hardy brother any more; this was a little snake who had pushed too far._

_Iroh's anger ignited his body. He wasn't conscious of how his body gave off a storm of blue haze. The sky started to rumble with thunder. Everyone who were watching the two young men never saw it coming. _

_Suddenly all Iroh was focused on was wiping the sneer off Ozai's face. He had to make Ozai pay for making him look like a coward,who couldn't stand up for himself._

_His hand blazed with lightening and he wound up to deliver his last blow. He yelled in the effort and threw a current lightening directly towards Ozai's head. _

_Ozai's sneer melted into sheer fright. Iroh knew he made a mistake as he watched the bolt head toward his brother. Ozai bent backwards completely flat as table as the bolt flew over his head and ignited the wall behind him. The crowd roared in excitement and Iroh fell to his knees. His body shook when he realized that he just created lightening._

_His brother had fallen backwards to the ground and failed to stir. The crowd erupted with comments wondering if Ozai was dead. Iroh jumped up quickly ran over to him. He didn't notice his father had left his seat and was standing only a few meters away._

"_Oh Gods! Ozai, I'm soo sorry. It..It was an accident. I don't know where that came from! Please forgive me. I never would want to hurt you!"_

_Ozai wiped the dirt and tears off his face, sat up and looked at Iroh with hate in eyes. **"LIAR!",** he screamed. _

_Ozai jumped to his feet and wiped his final tears away. "You were just waiting for the right moment to show everyone how I'll always be subordinate to you! **Did you consciously try to strip away all of my Honor ?!!**". He spat at Iroh's feet and ran out of the sparring arena. _

_Iroh stared at the ground and felt defeated. He almost killed his brother. He vowed never to let his anger control him again._

_He looked up into his father's amazed and knowing eyes. Iroh turned to go after his brother but his father's hand stopped him. "Your brother doesn't understand. Your gift is not something to be taunted at. I know you love him but don't let him break you. He will never forgive himself for not being born with talent like yours. It is not you, Iroh, it's his demons."_

Iroh breathed hard at that memory. He now realized that Ozai hated Zuko not being born with the "gift". _Maybe that is why Zuko could burn down a forest and Ozai wouldn't be able to verbalize any amount of praise. _

Iroh was frightened out of his thoughts by a hand on his shoulder. He spun around ready to fight and suddenly dropped his fists. He found himself lost in her innocent golden eyes. "Ursa…you nearly scared the life out of me.." was all he could muster as he caught his breath and unconsciously put his hand to his chest.

"Please forgive me Iroh. I had to come see you. I told Ozai I was making sure the servants had appropriate robes ready for him to wear for the Temple." She had caution in her eyes.

"Well, giving that you probably don't have much time, what can I do for you my Lady?" he said in his usual "Life is just dandy" charming way, as he turned down the hallway to his quarters.

"Your brother wasn't happy about the welcome your father gave you in front of us at dinner tonight. I don't think he swallowed a bit of food. He scoffed to me, '_How could that old fool welcome that coward back_'. I fear he is up to something. Please be on your guard! Ozai has been tense every since your father announced your return two weeks ago." She seemed honestly afraid for him.

Her words only confirmed the nasty looks Ozai had given him earlier. Iroh knew that his father open display of affection was going to have repercussions.

"I know my brother seems unhappy about my return. Hopefully he'll simmer down over the next few days as we take time to remember Lu Ten. After all, he had always seemed proud of his nephew in front of our troops and family. Maybe some time at the Temple tonight will ease his mood." Iroh said with his naturally charming tone of voice trying to calm his friend's worries.

"I refuse to engage with him while we as a family are focusing on my son." Iroh hoped that these words settled Ursa down. He hated to have been a catalyst to any disturbance between her and her husband.

She stepped in a little too close for his comfort. "I just wanted to let you know what happened. I know these next few days are to honor Lu Ten. I didn't mean to disrupt your mourning with my husband's comments or my fears." She seemed ashamed of her impulsive flight to him.

"You did the right thing, Ursa. We all know Ozai can be irrational. I'm just not going to let him take up the time I've dedicated to Lu Ten," he smiled trying to cheer Ursa up and put her mind to rest.

"Well, I better head back to get myself ready for prayer. I'll see you at the Temple," she said. She paused for moment as if she was looking for something upon her departure.

Ursa's hair shined in the moonlight. Her eyes glowed like golden honey. He found himself struck with her beauty. _Why didn't I notice before?_

Iroh resisted the urge to gently pull her chin to his lips and kiss her at that moment.

_She's not Keiko. Ursa is my sister-in-law. She is nothing more than a friend._

Instead Iroh smiled, bowed to her and turned to open his chamber door. He felt horrid because Ursa and Keiko had been best friends in a palace full of men._ "She was the sister I never had" Ursa had said to Iroh the day of her funeral. _Iroh let himself remember the day his wife passed as he gazed upon his empty bedroom.

_Keiko apologized almost once a month when she found her menses had come again. They had been desperately trying to have more children as Lu Ten approached his teenager years. Iroh loved children and wanted to be a father to many more._

_It wasn't that they weren't making love often enough. He bedded her nearly every night of the week. Keiko had joked him many times that if the Gods were willing they'd parents of ten or twelve children by now. Every time they came together he wished that this would be the time they had so long waited for._

_Too many times the results were the same. Iroh also feared whenever he took her to bed that another miscarriage would destroy his wife within a few months. Her last miscarriage nearly killed her. As Keiko survived and slowly recovered, he promised himself he would advocate for her life the next time she mentioned the B-word._

"_I'm afraid the next time the pregnancy will kill you!" he pleaded with his desperate wife one night. _

"_I know you want more children Iroh!", she cried with a tear soaked face. " I'm just trying to perform my duties as your wife! You know I'd love to be a mother of a little one again1! I cry every time Lu Ten asks for a brother or sister. I am sure that this time I'll be able to carry the child to term."_

_She kneeled at his feet as he sat on the edge of the bed. He gently cupped her sweet wet chin and tried to wipe her tears away. She stood up, climbed on the bed and kneeled on beside him. She started to remove her robe with a few tears in her eyes and let him see the top of her breasts. She always was able to break his reason. "Please Iroh", she whispered irresistibly. "Let's try just one last time. I have a funny feeling that this time we'll be celebrating a birth."_

_She let her robe fall, pulled his face to her, and deeply kissed his lips. His mind tried to reason with his heart but his body unconsciously pulled her down to his chest. His mind quieted and his body heat turned up as he ravenously kissed her neck and chest. He drowned in the sensations of her soft milky skin against his. _

_Maybe she was right, he thought with tears welling in his eyes as he let her remove his shirt. Maybe this time the Gods would bless them with a child. _

_A few months had passed Keiko had informed him that her menses had come to a stand still. She was pregnant! Iroh felt a whirlwind of worry and happiness. Maybe this would be it! Maybe this time he'd be giving Lu Ten what had desperately asked for…a new baby brother or sister!_

_Months passed and Keiko soon had a little bump. She excitedly shared the news with Ursa and Lu Ten! Ursa had hugged her warmly since she had been there several times before to comfort her when her menses had come in the past. Iroh's father patted him proudly on the back and started to ask what the name would be. He proudly smoked and drank with his comrades as they celebrated his new venture into being a father of two! _

_One night Iroh came home late from a day filled of meetings. He saw that Keiko had already gone to bed and crawled in beside her. He fell asleep thinking that she was visiting dreamland._

_He awoke in the middle of the night to the sounds of Keiko's whimpers. 'Oh no!' he thought when he felt the blood on the sheets under his hand. He looked into Keiko's eyes as if she was silently apologizing to him. He scooped her up and carried her out into the hallway screaming for the royal medicine staff._

_He spent the whole night by her side as she meandered between crying in pain, and unconsciousness. He cried, "Oh, Keiko..Keiko, my sweet Keiko. How could I let this happen!". _

_Keiko looked up at him the last time as she said with adoring eyes, "You..You did nothing wrong Iroh. I..I..I wanted this child too. I did it because.. because I love you."_

_Her eyes closed and her head collapsed to her side.He bellowed in pain when he saw her pass. The medicine staff said they did everything they could to save her. He cried over her body for hours until they took her away. His sweet Keiko.. gone. _

_Iroh was beside himself for months after her funeral. He vowed to himself he would never love anyone again like he loved her. He was haunted at night by her beautiful smile. He cried as he woke up with his hands searching for her curves._

_Iroh transformed his pain by taking utmost care for his son. He never showed his mourning in front of LuTen. Instead he put most of his time and effort into being a hard working single father. He swore to the Gods that Lu Ten would live a long and happy life._

Time eventually quelled Iroh's loss and now he was reeling from it again. His missing Keiko while he watch Ozai's family grow contributed to his decision to go leave for Ba Sing Se. Ursa had become his best friend after she said goodbye to her "Sister Keiko" .

Now all he wanted was someone to cry and lean on. Iroh damned himself for wanting Ursa to heal his pain. He held his facial muscles tight while he thought about how he reacted to her. He hated how his body yearned to have her near him and how her departure ached him. But Ursa wasn't what he needed and wanted.

He knew the truth. His body was longing for _her_.

Iroh hated himself now when he realized what he really wanted was to be at Keiko's side, not Ursa's. He vowed never to let anyone know about his feelings. No woman could replace Keiko; not even Ursa.

"**Stop this Madness**!" Iroh heard himself scream out loud. He immediately looked around the room to see if anyone heard him. Of course no one was there, really. Just him and his broken heart.

Iroh's saddened gaze fell upon his son's urn. He walked over to the table and caressed the lacquer pot as if it was his son's cheek. "I promise you, Lu Ten, I will focus on you and not my own struggles. Tonight and the two following days are for you, my son." He looked at the urn as if he could see his son's eyes animated with understanding.

Suddenly Iroh felt a familiar warm strong hand on his shoulder. Iroh closed his eyes. He smelled her sweet perfume. He knew if he looked at his shoulder nothing would be there.

This was a gift from the spirit world. He finally felt not so alone anymore.

Iroh opened his eyes and wished he could have seen and touched her. He yearned to run his fingers through his passed wife's long and silky hair. Instead he washed up and put on his ceremonial robes for the service. He picked up the urn right before he had to leave. "Let's go Son", he said with a renewed sense of purpose.

_A/N: I think I'm addicted to editing. I wrote this long ago and have snipped and added so much. Let's just say it's grew four pages in all this time. _

_I hope more readers would contribute reviews. Thank you for reading and hopefully I'll get the next chapter out by next weekend. _

_I just wanted to give you some insight into ages and my struggles with math (which was my least favorite subject in school). I guess that there is about 10 years age difference between Ozai and Iroh on the show. I think Iroh is about 60 years old or older by Book II when Zuko is about 17 years old. I tried to do the math in my head and figured it would make sense in my story to make the two brothers about 3 years apart. I stated that Ozai was 25 when he married Ursa. I'm implying that Ursa was younger than Ozai, maybe about 18 years old. I think their age difference contributes to their lack of connection, among other things._

_I made Iroh about 16 years old and Ozai about 13 years old in the sparring scene. I think being close in age may have contributed to their sibling rivalry. I also had Ozai be about 13 years old because that was how old Zuko was when he faced him in the infamous Agni Kai. _

_Just some insight into my creation of this story. Chapter 4 is still being tweeked and pinched. Stay tuned…._


	4. Chapter 4

_Your friendly neighborhood Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from Avatar: the Last Airbender or the Lyrics from Linkin Park's song Numb._

Chapter 4.

"**_Can't you see that you're smothering me….holding tightly….afraid to lose control…"_**

The lanterns perfectly lit the walk way to the Temple. The coi fish in the pond chased the reflection of the lanterns in the water. The quiet and slow beat of the ceremonial drums filled the slightly chilly, late October air. The high priests' low chanting contributed to the solemn mood of the night.

Iroh walked slowly to the ceremony holding Lu Ten's urn carefully. He crossed the small foot bridge and looked over at the fish sticking their mouths out of the water. _Fish are so lucky….they don't seem to know how to mourn those they've lost….._

Iroh looked behind his shoulder and saw Ozai escorting Ursa and the children. Ursa flashed him a warm and sympathetic smile. Iroh bowed his head slightly in acknowledgement and returned his sight to the temple ahead. _This night is for Lu Ten, not me… _

Iroh continued down the path and found the Fire Lord waiting for the family. A _Shinto high priest_ approached Iroh and bowed deeply to him. He gently signaled Iroh to place the urn on the altar. Iroh followed the directions and gently laid the urn in its designated spot. He bowed to altar and sadly noticed a small portrait of Lu Ten.

Iroh found a seat cushion next to his father. His father was full of surprises tonight for he gently placed his hand over Iroh's hand briefly.

The priest began the ceremony with using old tongue asking for the ancestors to accept Lu Ten into the garden of the afterlife. Iroh watched and but his real concentration was his own thoughts. As he watched the priest dance slowly around the altar Iroh thought about other times he had visited this Temple. He remembered how he'd seen similar ceremonies: first his mother, then Keiko, and now Lu Ten.

He looked over at his brother's wife and children. Ursa seemed to be using her fan to dry up her tears.

For the first time, Iroh was relieved to see that Azula seemed sad about her cousin's passing. The girl reached up and whispered into her mother's ear. Ursa sadly smiled at her daughter and offered her a handkerchief in which Azula used to dab her eyes. It was a shame that Fire Nation custom never looked down on women for showing emotions in public but called men cowards for crying, even at their own child's funerals.

Iroh turned to study his nephew and brother. Zuko sat with a straight back as if he was trying to copy his father's posture for the proper presentation at a memorial service.

_Damn my brother for training Zuko to be as cold as him! I wonder what is going through his mind? _Iroh's eyes couldn't help but look for clues on how Ozai was reacting to the events spinning around them. _Is he even remorseful for my son? Is that a false mask of mourning?_

Iroh tried to swat his conclusions of Ozai's presentation as if they were flies. _Only a fool would conclude that Ozai wasn't mourning Lu Ten right now. Everyone knew that Lu Ten was one of the few family members to publicly receive Ozai's adoration as a Commander of the military. _

Iroh wanted to believe that Ozai was mourning his only nephew's passing. Ozai's unreadable face often had frustrated Iroh, who often could read people's faces to guess what they were thinking or feeling. Unfortunately, the more he studied his brother's blank face, he couldn't help that nagging suspicion that maybe Ozai wasn't completely beside himself in mourning.

Iroh felt his father's hand prompting him to stand since the priest was asking the family to join him in spreading Lu Ten's ashes. Everyone stood and followed the priest as he walked to the palace's central monument to the former Fire Lord Sozin, Iroh's grandfather.

The stone cauldron of fire monument was built as a reminder of Sozin's namesake, a legendary comet that was supposed to be coming in the next eight to ten years. The comet's fire power would allow the Fire Nation to become its most powerful and allow it to subdue the Earth Kingdom and both of the rebel Water Tribes.

When Sozin passed away and the monument was made before Iroh was born, it became customary to dump the deceased royal family remains in to the cauldron of fire to "strengthen the comet's power". According to Fire Nation prophets, the comet would make the current Fire Lord invincible to anyone but the legendary Avatar, which had disappeared before even Sozin took the thrown. The deceased royal family members' ashes were suppose to fuse all of past generations' power to the future Fire Lords', in order to combat any adversaries at the time of the comet's arrival.

Iroh watched as the priest open the urn and declared, "May all of Lu Ten's Intellect, Strength, Fire Bending Mastery and Wisdom help ensure the Fire Nations' Rule over the World, Until the End of Time!". Iroh watched the soot pour into the flames. The ashes made the flames dance as if the cauldron was hungrily satisfied by them. In response to the ceremony conclusion, all of the royal family members, including Lord Azulan, bowed.

Lord Azulan, the children, and Ursa approached Iroh to pay their final respects. Iroh's father hugged and whispered how brave Lu Ten had been. Iroh couldn't help watch Ozai over his father's shoulder, as he silently stood watching the cauldron and seemed to be mesmerized by the flames.

Iroh thought he saw his brother's lips covertly let out a smirk in selfishness. _Oh Lu Ten, I hope I'm wrong….._

**_A/N: I thought of trying to lengthen this chapter but as I edited it, I thought it was fine the way it was. This is a foreshadowing chapter that hopefully allows you to see the big transitions coming up. _**

**_Just a note about the ceremony: Shinto is the old religion of Japan that predates Buddhism. It is still practiced in Japan sometimes along with Buddhist practices. I taught English in Japan for 10 months from 2002 to 2003 and got a special treat that I believe few foreign visitors have. My American friend at time and her Moroccan husband were married in a Shinto Temple and I used some of my observations to create the funeral ceremony. I've never seen a Japanese funeral (besides the Karate Kid part II which I vaguely remember and haven't seen in nearly fifteen years) but did my best to create one in my story. I'm sure I'm way off. _**

_**I figured that the Fire Nation seemed to be have Japanese and Chinese influences so maybe had similar religious beliefs…I know I could be wrong. **_

**_Working on chapter 5 which should be more exciting and jam packed with drama. Please feel free to review because I love feedback! Thank you for reading and please stay tuned:) _**


	5. Chapter 5

_Precious Mantra/Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from Avatar: the Last Airbender or any of the lyrics from Linkin Park's song: Numb._

_A/N: I originally wanted the song Numb chronologically follow my story, but oops, these lyrics fit the chapter better this way._

**_Warning: this is story is rated Mature for a reason! Graphic sexual scene content (let say daytime soap opera explicit in comparison)! Please stop here if you don't want to be offended or if you're too young! Don't say you weren't warned!_**

Chapter 5

"**_Cause everything that you thought I would be…has fallen apart, right in front of you…"_**

Iroh sat and watched the steam from his tea cup evaporate into the air. His day never felt ready to come to a close without his post-dinner tea. Those precious herbs, leaves and spices and hot water always signaled his body to start its rest period. The steam rose to the air and disappeared, like the minutes before sunset.

Iroh surprised his servant earlier when he requested to take dinner early by himself in his private chambers. He had spent the morning leisurely watching the children play and practice their fire bending moves. His reflections of the last three weeks were running through his mind as he slowly and thoughtful walked through the palace gardens earlier that afternoon. Iroh was also trying to recall the good times he had with Lu Ten and Keiko. Through his memories he was able to relive times when he could still hear and touch his dear wife and child. Only in his head the present disappeared and his wife and son were at his fingertips.

"_Iroh…look at Lu Ten!" whispered Keiko as they both focused at the tot, who seemed to be in deep thought, as he pulled himself up and held on to their chamber tea table. The tot had been trying to switch his weight from one leg to the other to reach the bed post, which was a meter away from the table. Keiko had become somewhat worried until about two weeks ago that Lu Ten was firm "crawler" and would never try to walk. He would "walk" when an adult took his hands, but fall down to the ground when they let go off his hands. But things changed in the last two weeks._

_Every time he mustered the will, he'd let go of the table, stand on his own, and attempted to place his foot out to walk, but the end result had been the same. Each time he'd make the attempt to walk, he'd loose his balance, plop down to his hands and knees, frown in disappointment and crawl away._

_Maybe this was the day! Iroh hoped that this would be the day Lu Ten would leave crawling behind._

_Both mother and father held their breath as the tot let go of the tea table and stood independently. Like magic the tot took three wobbly steps towards the bed post. He grasped the bed post firmly and smiled at his parents in triumph. Keiko gasped in delight and Iroh quickly scooped up the tot. "Soon I'll be running to catch up with you, my little bolt of lightening"._

_Keiko hugged both her lover and her child in tears of joy, "My little man is growing up". _

_Iroh could swim in her joy for the rest of his life….._

Zuko poked his shoulder while Iroh was lost in his memories that morning. He immediately felt ashamed at his secret desire to be left alone when Zuko asked him to help him with fire bending training. "I want to be just as good as you someday, Uncle. Everyone calls you the 'Best' ", the little boy pleaded.

"I think I need to spend my day alone, my dear nephew. I promise I'll teach you all my secrets some other day", was all Iroh could say as Zuko disappointedly nodded and ran in the opposite direction.

The poor boy only wanted to improve in his fire bending. Iroh kicked himself for being so selfish. He just broke his commitment to being generous with his favorite nephew. He realized that he wasn't the only one mourning the loss of his son.

Now he sat by his window and watched the sunset develop into night. It was if the Gods felt sorry for him and offered the beautiful sunset as a token of comfort for his sorrow. It was the first time he realized how tired his body was and how relieved he was that he could now sleep if he wanted to. Iroh felt his eyes were starting to close and thought it would be nice to turn in early since he barely slept the night prior. He stood and chugged down the remainder of his tea. His body yearned to feel the softness of his bed.

Iroh was rocked from a sweet dream about playing ball with Lu Ten as a child when he heard loud knocking at the door. "I'm coming….." he drowsily said as he pulled himself out of bed and reached for his robe.

Still somewhat fumbling in sleep he drowsily unlocked the door to see his sister-in-law's urgent golden eyes. "We need to talk.", was all she said as she gently pushed passed him and entered the room.

Iroh found he immediately awakened at the site of Ursa looking out his bedroom window. "What brings you here in such worry? Are the children ok?", he dug for information from his visibly nervous sister-in-law.

"Remember when I said the other night that I feared my husband was up to something. I was right." She sat herself down in the chair that Iroh had sipped his tea in only hours before.

"What happened?" asked Iroh as he sat down across from her, sensing something terribly wrong.

She breathed deep in and her confused face set the tone of her recalling the events from earlier.

"Remember when I said the other night that I feared my husband was up to something. I was right." She sat herself down in the chair that Iroh had sipped his tea in only hours before.

"What happened?" asked Iroh as he sat down across from her, sensing something terribly wrong.

She breathed deep in and her confused face set the tone of her recalling the events from earlier.

"_Earlier this evening Ozai had been watching the children, usually Azula, from our bedroom window as they played. After being completely in a trance by watching the children, Ozai abruptly asked me to bring the children inside and dress them in the warrior training robes. _

'_Before I could even finish my statement that dinner would be ready soon, he snapped at me, '**There are many things that are more important than food, woman**!' I was frightened by his tone and immediately left to gather the children. _

'_The next thing I know, we were on our knees with the children before your father's Throne. Your father looked annoyed at my husband because he demanded an audience with him immediately. Your father said he had just finished meeting with his advisors and was on he was on his way to dinner._

'_He looked even angrier when Ozai said he wanted to show the milestones the children had reached in combat. Ozai demanded Zuko to perform for his grandfather. The child obeyed in fear._

'_Zuko did his best but made a few errors which made my husband's eyes roll in disgust. Zuko bowed to his grandfather and came to my side. I tried to discreetly wipe the tears from his eyes. My poor Zuko was beyond embarrassment._

_Ozai turned to our daughter and said, '**Now I present my Prodigy in Action.**' Azula stood, bowed, and performed flawlessly. _

'_Lord Azulon said rather an unimpressed 'Is that all? Son, this presentation could have waited after dinner'._

_Ozai barked at me to leave the two of them at once. I had never seen Ozai this viperous before so I gathered the children and closed the door behind me. I saw Zuko and Azula's confused looks when I sent them ahead to prepare for a small snack and bed. The servants escorted the children down the hall and I saw Zuko, in particular, looked distressed when I stayed behind. I listened at the door despite any risk it would entail._

'_Ozai loudly stated you were unfit to be the next Fire Lord! Ozai said our Nation would be 'lost under the rule of my weakling brother. **Iroh has shown he is so fragile that he seems to crumble at a bit of stress**' he said with much contempt. _

'_He continued, 'Iroh's only heir is dead as a smoldered fire'. Ozai stated that he had shown how qualified he is and how Azula would be a 'beyond suitable heir to the Throne by the time she came of age'. 'Her reign would guarantee our control over the rest of the world', he suggested proudly._

'_When Azulon asked, 'What about your son?', Ozai responded that 'I would never dishonor you and the Fire Nation by having a **weakling take the Throne'**._

'_I heard a fire ball blast the door and fell to the floor. Lord Azulon yelled '**How dare you question the royal blood line and betray your brother!? He's just lost my oldest grandson and now you are trying to steal more from him? You greedy, wicked, little weasel!!' **_

'_I felt the floor beneath me heat up and ran down the hallway to you."_

Iroh had sat at the edge of his bed and listened intently to every word the woman said. _Damn Ozai!_ _I always knew he was obsessed with pleasing father to improve his image but never did I think this! How dare he approach Father less than a day after Lu Ten's memorial! _Iroh's body heated up so quickly that steam emitted from his nostrils. _How could Ozai do this to me? To our father?_

He looked up as heard Ursa crying. He saw the anguish in his friend's face and quickly forget his own anger. He passed her a handkerchief and she dabbed her swollen eyes. She turned spoke out the window as if Ozai was standing outside. "First the War, then Keiko, then Lu Ten and now this! I'm so exhausted by these tragic events and standing obediently by my husband's side! Ozai is nothing but a selfish, power hungry man. He is in love with power, not me!", she stood up while her tears of anguish started to become those of anger.

"Ohh Iroh, I used to be jealous of watching Keiko and you together. You gave each other freedom within these restrictive, _royal walls!_ I know you both had tragedy too but at least you had each other!

'The only times I've ever had with Ozai was when he was in a hurry to impregnate me with _his heir!_ Being with him was like Rape! Then he'd demand me to give him 'plenty of boys', as if I had a choice in the matter! **He never loved me!** I was just an Heir-Making Machine to him!

'He even had the audacity to call me a failure when Zuko didn't fit as a 'proper Prince of the Fire Nation'! Our son has done nothing but try to please him! I became numb to his beatings whenever the children weren't fire bending training fast enough.

'He even told Zuko in front of me yesterday his sister 'was born lucky and you were lucky to be born!' What kind of monster could treat his flesh and blood like that!

'Ozai finally left me alone when Azula became skilled over the last few months! She is only eight years old and he treats her like she a little soldier. Now I'm sure he has been busy these last few years secretly preparing to fight you for the Throne! The children and I have only been steps to his own glory!"

Iroh gently put his hand on her shoulder as she cried. Before he could blink an eye, she turned to him as if she was begging him for comfort. _I'm her brother-in-law! I can't comfort her the ways she needs…_

Her unspoken request felt wrong to him, although part of him wanted to quell her pain.

Iroh unconsciously put his arms around her and quietly listened to his sobs. She pulled him to her and buried her face into his chest. His own anger at Ozai felt like bubbling water in a cauldron. He became tired of all of Ozai's treachery. _Ozai has pushed my limits too far…I should go and tell Father I know what Ozai wants before it's too late…_

He immediately stopped his own strategizing and felt a little calm as the woman warmed in his arms. It was warmth and closeness that he hungered for in the past three years. He even notice himself enjoying the smell her sweet perfume.

After what seemed to be hours, she lifted her head and looked directly into his eyes.

"I was with Keiko when she started having problems the day of her final miscarriage.", she admitted quietly. "She was trying to cover her up the pain of her contractions. I held her when she cried and she said to me '_This can't be happening. I can't do this to Iroh_.' I was going to call medical staff but she pleaded me to help her back to your chambers. She said you'd be home soon and you'd take care of her. She made me promise to not tell anyone.

"Keiko also asked me to take care of you if anything happened to her. She knew that my marriage to Ozai was a nightmare and she made me promise to take Zuko and run away with you if things got worse. She knew her death was looming and she wanted us to be together."

Iroh couldn't believe his ears! He felt his own tears start to fall as listened intently. _Keiko wanted me to help Ursa and Zuko escape the palace? She was ready to die that night?! Oh Keiko…_

"Iroh, please take me and Zuko away from here. Ozai has gone mad and I'm not committed to staying with him as he tries to become Fire Lord! I'm not going to be a smiling puppet while he tries to steal the Throne!

"Ever since Keiko died and we became close, I found myself falling for you. I can see why Keiko loved you so."

She placed her warm palm to his cheek, "It was so painful not having you around especially when Ozai beat me. I never had the heart to write about those days! I stopped loving him when I realized who he was." The softness of her hand made him want to melt, "Be truthful to yourself! You've never been able to conceal you true feelings! I saw how you reacted to me the day you returned.

"I love you Iroh! I can't stand being Ozai's wife anymore. Please take us away from that monster! The only family member he'll want around is Azula. He would never do anything to harm her."

Iroh found himself wanting this moment to last forever. He felt powerless as she maintained his glance. He hadn't felt this weak before anyone other than Keiko. She continued to dominate the interaction, "You were the kind of man I used to dream about marrying when I was a little girl. Ozai has supplied me nothing but pain and turmoil.

'You know I would never make it if I tried to flee with Zuko from the Palace! Zuko would never have a chance here if I even left without him. I might have a little fire bending talent, but I could never defend myself and my child, if he sent troops after us. Please, Iroh, help us! If you don't do it for me, then.. please do it for Keiko and Zuko."

Iroh stepped away from her and felt his own body heat make him feel feverish. He turned his back and quickly tried to understand what she was asking. She made him feel dizzy and backed into a corner of no choices. He tried to ignore how his body wanted her this moment while he tried to think. _By Gods..she loves me! What about Ozai!? Damn him for not taking care of her! Keiko knew she was dying that day and asked Ursa to take care of me! Ohhh is this a dream come true or a nightmare? _

_If we left here.. Ozai would surely hunt all of us down and my head would be on a spike. am I insane for even considering this.. Let Ozai take the Burning Throne.. if he'd hurt her and little Zuko for it, then I don't want it…Ohhh.. she said she loves me?_

Iroh found it impossible to process all this information. He felt sick to his stomach while he tried to weigh out all his options. He sat with all the pressure on his heart and mind. _I used to be good at thinking and acting in high pressure situations._ He desperately tried to collect his thoughts and flood of emotions.

He couldn't help feeling that he was betraying Keiko. His wedding vows to her were meant to last beyond death. He always knew that Keiko loved Ursa like a sister and wanted better things for her. Did she _really_ want him to take Ursa and Zuko away from the Palace? He definitely hated what his brother did but could he really betray him like this? _What am I going to do??_

He looked up and found Ursa naked, her beautiful red highlighted black hair down and her robes on the floor. He felt the fire roar inside himself again, wanting her but afraid of what tomorrow would bring. The fire rising in his body confused him even more. His reason tried to take a dominant stand in his mind. _Keiko, is this you wanted?! I promised you that you were the only woman for me when I proposed to you!! _

He was speechless as she approached him like a hungry cat. His breath felt caught in his chest as it roared in desire. Her golden eyes seduced him and pushed all of his reason out of his head. The lust in her eyes made it impossible to bear. He ashamedly found himself giving in as he felt her heat.

She whispered and opened his robe to expose his bare and toned chest. Her voice was smooth as honey, "Please Iroh, take me to your bed! Don't worry, everything will be alright."

For second time in his life since the seige, he let him passion take over. Ursa reached up and pulled his lips down to hers. The fire in his soul engulfed him like a forest wild fire when she deeply kissed him. She pulled his robe off his shoulders and it slip down his back. He was seduced by her tongue and her naked breast burning up against his chest.

His mind wanted to stop but body wanted her now. Keiko's betrayed eyes haunted his mind. Could he do this to his true love?

She tugged at his pants. He couldn't fight back off her advances anymore._ Give in, you know you want her...she's driving you insane.._ He returned her kiss and unconsciously picked her up while she wrapped her legs around him. He was scared, sad, confused, turned on and drowning in her kisses.

The flood of passion finally overcame Iroh. He yearned so long to have a woman intimate with him and he seized the opportunity. He felt like his heart was falling down into a pit uncharted territory.

His fire burned when his lips met her neck and carried her over to his bed. The heat was too intense for him. He found tears forming in eyes as he finally chose to give up making sense of everything. _Keiko, Ozai, Lu Ten, Father, my people….._His vows, reason, and promises to himself, his brother, his Keiko and his country went out the window along her beautiful sighs. **_Keiko, please forgive me!!..._**

_**A/N: This chapter has been revised countless times. I could have been more graphic but will let you as readers imagine what comes next. **_

_**I know that Iroh seems uninhibited with the ladies in the series like with Aunt Wu the Fortune Teller and especially June, but my feeling is that a lot happened in his life before he gave up and became the flirty-go-lucky- old man. **_

_**I made a boo boo. I was doing some research on the net and realized that I've been misspelling the Fire Lord's name, Azulon. Sorry! I personally think Azulan has a nicer ring to it.**_

_**Hopefully you are intrigued for the next chapter. It will be coming up as soon as time is on my side again, which should be by next weekend! Please review, I won't bite! **_


	6. Chapter 6

**_Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters of Avatar: the Last Airbender or any of the Lyrics of Numb by Linkin Park_**

**Chapter 6**

"**_And every second I waste is more than I can take…."_**

_Part I_

_Is it warm in here? _She awoke and felt comforted by Iroh's arm on her side. _Ohh, this is what it's like to wake up in my lover's arms?!…Ozai never liked to cuddle…He was even considering getting separate beds after Azula was born..._

Ursa really wished Time would stop and she could lay here forever. Iroh was the sweetest man in the world and she was looking forward to spending more time with him. She gently rolled over onto her stomach and gazed at his face. She purely enchanted by watching his serene sleep and how gracefully his chest rose and fell with each breathe. She assumed snoring was a family trait because Ozai had kept her up many of night when they first married. Not so with Iroh, his breathe was even and soothing to listen to.

She carefully put her hand on his and was finally at peace. _This is the love that my sisters would talk about…the one that makes you feel apart of something vaster than yourself…_

Ursa wasn't sure how long she slept and immediately became aware that Ozai might be looking for her. She couldn't have Ozai wondering if something was different from normal. Against her longing to stay all night, she chose to vacate the warm bed.

With the silent moves of a cat, she smoothly removed Iroh's heavy arm from her back and slipped out of bed. Her gift was that of quiet speed; many of her family members compared her to a lioness when she ran the fields of her hometown. Although both her children's fire bending ability was inherited by her husband's side of the family, the quick step both her children possessed was from her. Ozai often complained that she would behind him one minute and gone the next.

Iroh failed to react to her leaving his bed and slept deeply.

In the twilight she tip toed over to her robes and started to dress. Ursa reasoned she had some time to run to her chambers and crawl into Ozai's bed. When she was ready to depart, she looked over at Iroh sleeping peacefully. She mentally passed him a deep kiss and squeeze. She would steal some time early tomorrow morning to discuss the Plan. _We'll be free soon Iroh._

Ursa ran through the halls with a freeing bounce in her step. Everything had gone as she planned. She would wake early and tell Ozai her decision. She stopped caring a long time about what Ozai would think or do. She had done her duty to him and he clearly didn't need her anymore.

Maybe he'll be relieved to have her go. Maybe he'll just take on one of his concubines as his new queen. Ursa would just be a memory and would never return. Their marriage dissolved long ago. He was nothing to her anymore and she felt no regrets.

Ozai had began talking with madness and contempt when they all found out Lu Ten had passed. She was frightened but started to make preparations secretly. Taking his obsessive behavior as a sign, she had written her little sister weeks ago to meet her at the border of the Earth Kingdom by the first day of the new month. Ursa finally got a confirmation letter from her sister yesterday. _'I'll have three ostrich-horses, plenty of money, supplies and Earth Kingdom peasant disguises. I can't wait to see you Sister!! I can't believe this will be first time I'll see Zuko! Take care and go by the plan!'_

Receiving her sister's letter was the catalyst for her to become brave and seek her own future. She had already broke her ties to this place and was now ready to leave. _Freedom is within my grasp!_

She was only going to have fond memories of her kind father-in-law. Ursa suspected that Iroh would miss him too. She knew she would have to help heal Iroh's separation from his father. She had a similar mourning period when she first arrived here.

It was royal custom to cut all of the Princesses' ties to her home: friends, family, clothes, and personal items. Everything had been given to her sisters the day they said "good bye" to her. _My family wasn't even invited to my royal wedding…Thank Gods they didn't miss much.._

It had been more than 11 years since her feet hit her hometown's soil. She prayed daily that she'd be able to see her mother and father before they passed. It had been a long time since she was able to hug both of them. She thanked the Gods that although she could never leave the palace to visit her hometown, she still was able to receive mail from home.

She planned on at least spending a few days, in-hiding of course, at her parent's estate so Zuko could wander around the fields she had when she was a little girl. _Zuko would have loved growing up in my hometown…My family would have treasured him, unlike here, where he is judged by how much "potential" he shows…._

Ursa relished in this new feeling! She never had this much control over her own destiny before! Soon she, Iroh and Zuko would be beyond the clutches of Ozai. _My life is beginning tonight…._

_This is your last night in Ozai's chambers…._Ursa entered the dark bedroom thinking Ozai was in bed. She turned to take off her slippers when candlelight spread through the room.

She spun to her husband's familiar disgruntled stare.

"It looks like the _prostitute_ has returned to where she belongs." Ozai said with a devious air.

" Ozai, you scared me! Why do you assume such cruel things?! One of servants came to wake me because Azula was crying from a nightmare. I stayed with her until she fell back asleep. It took a lot longer to return than I thought it would." she said with a calm and curious tone. _Please Gods don't have Ozai know what is going on.. I'm not ready for his backlash.._

"Don't play me the fool, Ursa. My guards have been watching you ever since Iroh returned. They've seen you entering his private chambers for extended periods of time and taking walks with him. I doubt you that you've been innocent with him."

"I don't see why you would accuse me of such deviant behavior, Ozai! I've been friends with Iroh for a long time since Keiko passed. Truly, I'm insulted that you'd assume anything further."

"Then, what the Hell are these!" he said as he threw a parchment of written papers to the floor. Ursa couldn't hold back her shock…_My letters…that is why Iroh never responded…Ozai may know about my sister's letter…._

"So you are more of a fool than I thought! Don't you know that we intercept all messenger hawks leaving the palace? I chose not to believe that you'd betray me at first but I found these again just after I heard my Coward Brother returned home. My spies have been watching you all this time, Ursa. They reported to me that you and Iroh seemed 'more than friends'_ **Don't you know that these walls have eyes and ears? I'm surprised you weren't more cautious!"**_

Ursa couldn't say anything to rebut his claims. She had no other choice. Her planned speech would have to be given earlier than she first anticipated.

She had been preparing this moment for most of her married life.

"I'm leaving you Ozai! I can't stand to watch you take the Throne away when it's not even yours for the taking! I've done all you wanted and I'm finished! I don't want to be tied to you anymore!

"**You never loved me anyway!**" she spat.

With the speed that she only saw on the sparring field, he was suddenly grasping her arm hard and staring her down, only two inches from her face. Ursa winced as she felt his hand heat up. "You truly know how to break a man's heart, don't you?" he hissed sarcastically.

"You are not done, _yet. _I have a brilliant idea. Why didn't I think of it before?!" He laughed and peered into her eyes. "You, _Harlot_, are my secret ingredient to my plan for taking the Throne."

"What kind of Madness are you talking about now?," she replied rebelliously, breaking eye contact with him and trying not to show the pain of his burning grasp.

"You're going to kill your father in-law for me. I was going to either do it myself or have one of my soldiers do it. But that would have never worked." He smiled greedily, "Then I'll let you leave. At least I won't have waste my energy worrying about you anymore."

"I was right. You've gone mad! You father has been such a nice man to me!" she said ashamed of him and completely convinced he had completely gone insane! "I would never lay a finger on your father. How could you ever think I would do such a thing?" she tried to hide her fear by scoffing him.

"Oh yes you will! I would be able to take the Throne without any suspicion from anyone at all! I'd just be a grieving son performing his royal duty!"

"You've gone completely mad! I won't be apart of your evil scheme!", she replied trying to endure the pain.

Ozai's grasp engulfed in flame. She unconsciously gasped loudly in the burning pain. He snatched her other wrist, bent over and hissed in her ear, "If you perform this task, I will let you leave. You can even take that Bastard Brother of mine if you want. You have my word, Ursa.

"If you don't, I will charge my brother with Adultery, which will surely lead to his execution. You know our Nation would never forgive my brother for _stealing_ you away from me! Even if you did choose to escape by yourself, my soldiers would find you, even before you left palace grounds!", he smiled at her like a menacing circus clown.

"Just imagine Iroh on trial for kidnapping! You know, maybe I should let him kidnap you. He'll be burnt at the stake by the end of the week! Or wait! This is better! Maybe I could even pin Azulon's murder on Iroh! Yes, that would be a sight! My "perfect" brother gone rotten!" He snickered and let go of her.

She rubbed her burnt arms as she quickly pondered how to escape with Iroh and Zuko safely.

Ursa saw his menacing eyes were serious. The horrible image of Ozai laughing at Iroh while burnt at the stake, screamed through her mind. She would commit suicide before letting Iroh suffer. _But I could never hurt Azulon! He's been so kind to me and my children…But, Iroh…oh Gods…_

"**You Monster! ..I..I..I'll do it**.", she hissed in defeat.

_Part II_

The moonlight reminded her of the lack of sleep she had gotten. She was in disbelief that she was on her way to assassinate her father-in-law. But Iroh and Zuko's safety were now in jeopardy and there was no turning back.

Ozai had her caught like a mouse. Her arms stung with a sour reminder of his victory. She had no way out!

Sunrise was just a few hours away. She walked down the hallway passing her son's room. _I'd sacrifice anything for him._

She slipped into the bedroom and saw Zuko's peaceful sleeping face. She quietly approached the bed and stroked his forehead. "Mooooommmm," replied the sleepy voice. He clearly was talking in his sleep.

Ursa couldn't attract anymore attention to herself. She held the child's face between her hands. "Listen Zuko, I love you more than anything in this world! Everything I've done is for you!"

The boy's eyes started to drift and all he said was, "I love you tooo," as he rolled over and fell back to into a deep sleep. She softly kissed his brow. _I'll come for you in the morning my darling…_She slipped away down the hallway toward Lord Azulon's chambers.

She reached his door and quietly turned the key that Ozai had supplied her. She slipped into the room and held her breath as she saw her father-in-law asleep with his mouth opened from snoring. She felt herself shake in fear. She never thought it would come to this. _This is for my son.._

It was as if she was having a nightmare and watching herself from a far. Her soul screamed for her to stop and escape the room. _I have no choice..._

Ursa took out the vile of poison and her hands shook as she unscrewed the cap. Ozai had said, "_The poison will take affect immediately. Azulon won't even know what hit him. Anyone who finds him in the morning will think he died of natural causes. **Don't forget the Note!** Leave it in plain view so no questions will be asked! Just meet me back here and I'll give you everything for your journey."_

Ursa used her natural ability of moving without a sound. _Do it now.. there's no going back!..._She swallowed hard as she tilted the bottle into his open mouth. _Gods, please have mercy on my soul!_ _I wish there was another way…_

The old man's eyes flew open and his body started to convulse. The sight caught her by surprise.

Ursa held her mouth as she watched in horror. Nausea raced up her body like a typhoon. Her father in-law's head turned to her and tried to speak but only squeaked "Urrrss" and his head fell to the side like a rag doll.

Ursa breathed hard and tried to hold back her sobs she viewed his lifeless body. She immediately wished she hadn't done it. She stuck the bottle back in her pocket and placed the Note on his night table. Her sobs were so hard to contain as she fled the room and ran towards the chambers she shared with Ozai._ I can never tell Iroh that I sacrificed Azulon for our freedom!!_

After what felt like kilometers of running in a nightmare, she finally arrived at the chamber door. Ozai immediately opened the door and asked "**Is it done**?!"

Ursa nodded and her sobs overcame her. She passed over the vile as she pushed past him. She heard the door close as she fell on to the bed in tears.She desperately wanted to reverse the circumstances. _Gods please have mercy on me! I had no choice! Ozai would have endangered Iroh and Zuko if I didn't.. Please…._

"You did what you had to my Lady. Now you are free to go! You can leave at Sunrise if you choose.", said Ozai with an eerie monotone as he turned towards the bathing room.

Ursa looked up knowing what was done was done. She desperately tried to wipe her puffy and tear soaked eyes. It was over.

_He said I can now leave..I thought I'd be relieved. _Her tears still gushed as she tried to swallow away the shock. She was still breathing hard and shaking, trying not to have a panic attack.

Ozai returned to the bedside and looked at her calmly. His tone was strangely comforting as he as if nothing had happened in the last half hour, "You don't look so good, my dear. I understand. Here, drink this."

He handed her a cup of water. She shook as she received the cup with two hands. She saw her reflection in the water: eyes swollen, skin deathly pale. She tried to calm down so she wouldn't vomit. She barely got the cup up to her lips before she started sobbing again.

She forced down a sip and felt the warm liquid slide down her throat.

Her view of Ozai went hazy. _What is he saying?! _His words sounded like he was talking underwater.

Her throat started to burn. Her chest was failing her. She put her hands to her throat, panicking over the choking sensation.

She felt like she drowning.. her body shook uncontrollably ..**She knew what he did**! Her vision was starting to look like a broken kaleidoscope…going from color to grey and drifting into black….

"_Dammnn youuu_…", were last words that escaped her mouth before her airway collapsed.

A/N: _I had played with several ideas of how Ursa went missing. I thought this made the most sense, even when my "happy ending" desire felt smacked in the face. I was starting to like the romance between Iroh and Ursa and am not usually a fan of tragedy._

_I rented four videos this weekend that actually helped me write today._

_I watch Sofia Coppolla's Marie Antoinette with Kirsten Dunst (she now has redeemed her acting skill for me; she was fabulous; such pretty eye candy; loved Sofia's Lost in Translation and was giddy when I grabbed the last copy at Blockbuster!) which inspired me to write how Ursa came to arrive at the Palace. I imagined that Ursa felt like a displaced foreigner in the Palace for a good reason and hung on to Iroh for a number of reasons. _

_I usually don't like violent movies but had been dying to see The Departed, which stars all of my faves! If Matt Damon ever gets divorced, I want a date! And yes Leonardo Di Caprio definitely redeemed himself to me too! And boy, did I love to hate Jack Nickelson's character! _

_I was shocked how characters that I grew to love were so quickly killed off. So actually, writing about Ursa's end was helped along._

_I also rented Avatar Book 1, volume 3 to review The Storm episode. It made me hate Ozai even more so I had no qualms about painting him purely evil here. I was psyched to get Avatar Book 2, volume 1 and saw that Azula is cut from the same mold as her father. _

_As usual, I know I probably botched a lot spelling of names. Ooppsie! _

_Now, just a warning. .all these chapters had been sitting awaiting editing for a month now, so chapter 7 will require your kind and generous patience. I've been writing all the chapters in my head, so creation should be not too difficult. I'm guessing maybe a week or two.. depending on how crazy work gets. I do have paperwork to catch up on so I'll try to update ASAP! _


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